so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
There are leaves in my underwear?
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