DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
