What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
