Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
