His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
