My boss' voice literally gives me gas
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
