I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I am naked and annoyed.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
