Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
where are my eyebrows?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
