Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
