you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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