i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
