Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
