im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
