Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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