dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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