alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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