Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
jump out the window naked night went bad
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
