i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
