Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
