he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
