Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
