PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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