Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize