It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
