Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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