Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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