Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
