is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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