it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
