You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
