I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
