i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
