addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
