So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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