forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
