I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
