Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
