This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
