you guys were way drunker than both of me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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