How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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