did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you traded sex for a burrito?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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