Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Someone came in the potted fern
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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