Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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