So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
