The brown eye won't let me do that either.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
