You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think my moral compass just broke
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
