A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
