So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize