Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
