Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
